"God didn't send me out to collect a following for myself, but to preach the Message of what He has done, collecting a following for Him" (1 Corinthians 1:17)

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Monday, December 10, 2012

‘Tis the Season

It’s been a long time since I came here, and many of you have inquired about me and sent me thoughtful, beautiful messages of encouragement. Thank you so much for your concern and kindness.

‘Tis the Season…

My first holiday season without my mom.

I’m emotionally spent. I’m spiritually drained. I’m barely functioning. So I’ve tried to hide from God, my feelings, my pain… I’ve been burying myself in busy work that won’t matter in the long run or in the end. It’s just “stuff” to occupy my mind and my hands. My poor son has been living on macaroni and cheese, and while that makes him incredibly happy, I know I’m lacking.

I’d like to promise that I’ll be up and running again soon, but I can’t…not now. I’m just trying to make it through a day without losing my cool and my mind. I’m just trying to figure out a lot of things about my mom that cuts deeper than I ever thought imaginable. My only hope and comfort is knowing that God is working in me and beginning the healing process.

Throughout the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to discover who I am as a person, especially as a woman. I’ve lost so much of myself throughout the last three years that I feel empty. With my mother’s illness, and my son’s colic, sickness, and toddler tantrums, I forgot how to be me. That may not be such a bad thing, but in the interim it’s a nightmare. The “working out” details that God puts us through isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it in the long run.

So while my posts are missing in action, please know that I’m grateful for the faithful readers who have contacted me with kind concern. I’m still here. I’ll be here for as long as God intends. And I’ll get back to posting when the Holy Spirit prompts me again.

Thanks to all of you who love so freely and greatly!

In the meantime, you can always follow along with me on another blog.

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