"God didn't send me out to collect a following for myself, but to preach the Message of what He has done, collecting a following for Him" (1 Corinthians 1:17)

I Can Be Found

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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Long Enough

MY PRAYER: Long enough God, you’ve ignored me long enough…Long enough I’ve carried this ton of trouble, lived with a stomach of pain. Take a good look at me, God! I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms.

These are not my own words, Father, but words from King David in Psalm 13. It’s all I can say. It’s exactly how I feel. These words feel like my very own.

Our son is still suffering, and we’ve gone through one invasive procedure after another and we’ve yet to receive answers.

My mom’s cancer is spreading so rapidly now that chemo cannot keep up and will soon be discontinued. Her time is limited, and I’ve had little time with her, too. So many stupid things have come up that has prevented us from spending quality time together. I’ve lost valuable time!

I’m aching for relief, God. I’m desperate for answers. I have put all my faith in You, and I’m still yearning for Your signs and wonders.

REMINDER FROM GOD: Celebrate your rescue now! Sing at the top of your lungs now! Be thankful from a full heart. Whistle, laugh, jump for joy. Stay on My trail. Put one foot in front of the other and don’t give up!

My ear is on you. I’ve listened to your prayers and I’ve observed your tears. I’m going to heal you.You can be sure that I am taking care of everything you need. My love surrounds you, and I will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.

My ways are not your ways, but everything I do is right—it is the trademark of My love.

{Psalm 13, Psalm 9:1-2; Psalm 17:6-8; 2 Kings 20:5; Philippians 4:19; Psalm 32:10; Job 9:21; Romans 12:11; Isaiah 55:8; Psalm 145:17}

NOTE TO SELF: I don’t understand why God heals one person, but doesn’t heal another. I can’t comprehend why He would let a small child suffer the way our son does, but yet He does. I know that everything has a plan and purpose, but I hate that many of us have to lose something dear to us in order for that plan to prosper.

My mother and I have spent the majority of our lives at each other’s throat. We’ve had one of the deepest love/hate relationships out there. A mere five years ago we hadn’t spoken to each other for three years. And there was a time before that when I literally picked my mother up by her coat collar and threw her out of my house telling her to stay out of my life forever.

Now she’s dying.

Through her second bout with cancer, we had another terrible fight. At one point I decided she could die alone, because she had done so much to push me away from her. But one day God pushed ME towards her, to tell her how I felt. Years of pain spilled all over, and we soon found forgiveness and our relationship has never been better.

In these final years of her life, our love has been restored. And I wonder why it took cancer for us to get there.

I hate that God’s plans and purposes are so extreme. But I also wonder if they weren’t, if any of us would move at all…

mom on 4th

I love you, mom!


  1. I hear you Sister. I have so many ways I relate to you personally it is scary - unless, I KNOW IT IS a God thing! praying for you and yours. Pray your Mom knows the Lord in a 'born again' way.. as death will only be an ultimate healing that will lead her into a portal where Jesus and eternity greet her and she is at peace. Great article. May my Lord hold you in his arms and love on you real good. ~ zoesinger ~

  2. I'm more than certain it's a "God thing!" :)

    Please do pray for my mom. Make sure to stop back tomorrow and read my post...and you'll find out why.

    Thanks for your comforting words and prayers. I am always grateful for people who have a heart for prayer!

  3. So heart touching and what a story of resilience, love, forgiveness and trust in faith. Your story gave me goosebumps and hit home in relation to my grandmother and I. Thanks for putting it in perspective. Wishing the best for you and your family and sending prayers for you all. God Bless.


  4. That's why I write and tell my stories. I hope to help other people who may be going through the same things, while offering them some wisdom and clarity. Thanks for your kind words and prayers!


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