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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Move Over

Scripture to reflect upon for Wisdom Wednesday: Psalm 119:95 (The Message)
But I am only concerned with your plans for me.

Oh, if only we could speak this without all the lies that conveniently hide behind it.

Months ago when I gave up a direct sales job that was not in alignment with God’s plans for my life, I prayed, “God, I only want what You want for me.” I meant that with all my heart, and even now I feel the same. But when we begin to feel like David did in verse 82, “My eyes grow heavy watching for some sign of your promise; how long must I wait for your comfort?” we begin to do things that don’t even come close to God’s plans for us.

When things get tough and God works on His timeline and not mine, I begin to do God’s job for Him—as if I ever could. I take matters into my own hands. And that’s when life starts to get incredibly complicated and frustrating.

Basically, when we do this (sometimes without even realizing it), we shove God to the side and say, “Here, let me handle this…” And God’s not going to argue with you about it. He’ll quietly step aside. Sit back. Watch every move you make. And wait…He’ll wait patiently for you to figure it out and take the lead whenever you get tired and angry that nothing’s working out.

When I quit that sales job, I knew exactly what God was calling me to do but it didn’t seem like “enough” so I didn’t follow through. I couldn’t make money at it. I couldn’t help support my family with what God was asking of me. Funny part about it all…it has been the desire of my heart since I was 20 years old. I received the greatest blessing of my life, and I rejected it without even knowing what I was doing.

All I ever wanted to be was a stay at home mom and housewife, and that is God’s calling on my life right now. But I have been resistant, because as we struggle financially, it doesn’t make sense. (Does anything God does make sense while we’re in the middle of the process? No. That’s what makes God’s plan so unique and miraculous.) So instead of God being able to work in our lives, I’ve been relentlessly trying to find a job that would either take me out of the home, or keep me from Tavin for hours on end each day. No wonder nothing ever panned out.

Just because I figured this out doesn’t mean that suddenly our financial woes have been relieved. However, it does mean that I’ve stepped out of God’s way…as well as my husband’s way. God is calling us to a family after His own heart. A woman who tends to her family, and a man who provides for them. That is the will of God for most—if not all—families.

As a woman who has always had to fend for herself, take care of herself, and fix every problem that ever came along, letting go isn’t easy. Giving up control has been the hardest part of all of this. But God has showed me that there is no greater job than being a good mom to our son, and emotionally supporting my husband who is incredibly talented and wants nothing more than to take care of us the way God sees fit.

NOTE TO SELF: God’s plans for our lives cannot be completed if we stand in His way. Move over and let God take over.

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