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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Crack for Attack

Scripture to reflect upon for Truth Tuesday: 2 Corinthians 12:9
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

When I got saved in 1997, I was completely delivered of drugs and alcohol. I didn’t need AA or any special program to fight my addiction…Jesus did it for me!

In 2001, I started drinking again. Nothing habitual, and nothing too crazy out of control. My drinking was mostly social and sporadic. I could live with it or without it. The past couple of years I haven’t drank hardly at all. I would have an occasional beer with a meal or enjoy a drink with Jared on a hot summer’s night.

When Jared realized he had stepped out of bounds with his drinking and it turned into a serious problem, I felt obligated to stop drinking all together, too. I had control of it. I knew my limits, so it didn’t bother me if I drank or not, but the idea that we could no longer enjoy that one beer with our grilled chicken, or that one beer out at the local beer garden began to weigh me down.

Yesterday I did something that Jared and I used to really enjoy doing together: taking a Milwaukee brewery tour. My step-sister from Michigan was in town and she wanted to do the Miller tour, but I suggested she do the one that Jared and I loved so much. I also suggested that just the two of us should go together since I can no longer do that with Jared.

So we drove up to Milwaukee and met my sister and her family at the Harley-Davidson Museum where they spent the day while my sister and I went to the brewery tour.

On our way to the brewery, my sister seemed a bit “off.” She seemed upset and angry, so I asked her what was going on. She couldn’t really put her finger on it. As we waited in line to get our tickets, she was still blah and I was anxiously trying to lighten the mood. I was really trying hard to get her to enjoy spending time with me, because I really wanted some girl time since I very rarely get that kind of time with others.

We drank our five free samples, and I began to feel slightly buzzed; since I don’t really drink much at all anymore it hit me harder than I expected. Without even realizing it, I began to cuss here and there. Again, something I rarely ever do, but I was no longer 100% in control anymore.

After the tour we met Jared and the rest of the gang at the museum’s café. Tavin looked exhausted and hungry so we got him something to eat. When it arrived, it was blazing hot and I accidently let one of the cuss words slip. Immediately after saying it, Tavin repeated it. My heart sank to an all new low. It was at that very moment when I realized what was happening to me and I wanted nothing more than to be 100% sober and in control! The look in Jared’s eyes was heartbreaking when he said, “And you were worried that I would be the one to slip in front of him…” Ugh!

Praise God that Jesus’ power is made perfect in our weakness, because He did an amazing work in me today. I woke up this morning feeling remorseful and guilty. Although I didn’t get drunk and do anything stupid, I still let my guard down and let the enemy find a crack for attack. Alcohol isn’t my weakness. Cussing isn’t my weakness. But Tavin is. He is my weak spot. I can control alcohol and I can control cussing. But I cannot control what the world teaches my son, so it’s absolutely critical that I am the one who teaches him right from wrong. And yesterday I failed…miserably.

This morning during my time with God, I gave it all to Him. I asked for forgiveness and allowed His grace to cover me. It was at that very moment when I realized God used yesterday’s “weakness” to restore Christ’s power in me!

I would have been much happier and better off had I just stayed with Jared and Tavin, either at home or at the museum. I wished so much that I had just done that instead of the brewery tour. I could have still had a nice visit with my sister...maybe even better. It was suddenly so clear to me that I don't need time away from my family to have a good time. In fact, I tend to have a not-so-good time when I'm not with them! Maybe my sister felt the same way. Maybe she would have preferred to have stayed with them, too. Maybe that's why she seemed a bit distant.

I do need time to myself. But I think the time I really need is intended for catching my breath. My time away should be my time to write, reflect, recoup, revive and regroup. If I separate myself from the things I love (God and my family), I will create a crack in my life that's all too easy for the enemy to attack.

NOTE TO SELF: His power can help you! Here are 10 Simple Truths for Today:

  1. Never put yourself in a position where the enemy can find a crack for attack.
  2. Your partner’s growth can be thwarted by the negative things you do.
  3. Children are easily influenced by your behavior; you are a role model to them, they will follow your lead.
  4. If you are not careful, you can cause heartache and disappointment to those around you.
  5. Even if you’re not an alcoholic (or drug addict), those one or two drinks can (and probably will) cause you to step off the right path. Even if it’s temporary, it’s not a path worth exploring.
  6. You can’t be your best if something else controls you.
  7. God’s amazing strength can be found in our weaknesses.
  8. Nothing can replace Jesus’ peace and love.
  9. You are a child of God and you are covered by His grace.
  10. God will keep you strong and always put you back on the right path.

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