Scripture to reflect upon: 2 Timothy 4:2Be prepared in season and out of season…
Today I am anxiously awaiting news from the doctor about my mother. My mother is suffering from recurring breast cancer—a cancer that's incurable.
She has been off intense treatments for two months now and has been receiving another form of less aggressive shots. Not too long ago she had a tumor removed from her brain. Shortly after that was removed, another tumor was found on her liver, in which the doctor could not remove due to complications of where the tumor is located. She still has the original tumor in her lung, which has been shrinking significantly over the past year, but as it shrank, the cancer began to search for new places to attach itself to.
Her doctor wanted to take her off chemo for a while so she could recoup from the aggressive treatments that were causing so much sickness and weakness in her body. As she fought to stay alive, she had no oomph to be lively. It was a catch 22: fight to stay alive and be sick daily, or let the cancer take over and die quickly. So you fight, but really…what for?
I have watched my mother suffer this disease for nearly three short years now. I have seen her in pain, seen her curled up in a fetal position, I have seen her cry in agony. I have seen the fear in my mother’s eyes. I have heard her past regrets. I have watched her make her will. I’ve seen her make plans for the inevitable.
Last week my mom had a PET scan done. If you’re not familiar with this procedure, she is injected with a dye that will locate any and all tumors in her entire body. The dye then highlights the tumor(s) to indicate how small or large they are.
My mom has been feeling so great these past couple of months being off those weekly treatments. Her color is back. Her hair is growing back. She’s been able to get out in her garden. She’s been a bit more active. And she’s been feeling good. She’s also been hopeful and optimistic. She’s one of the strongest fighters I’ve ever seen. She is a survivor!
I’ve been praying for a miracle. I’ve asked so many people to pray for her this past week. Little does my mother know that there are possibly hundreds of people praying for a miracle in her body. I’ve been praying that she be cured from this incurable disease. I’m standing on the Word of God that He can do it, according to His will.
But what if He doesn’t? That’s the tipping point for me. This is where my faith always falters. This is where my faith is tested. This is typically where I get angry. Cancer cannot be according to God’s will, yet so many people are dying from it amongst other horrible diseases. The question I often find myself asking God is, “Why?”
Presidential candidates always prepare two speeches after an election. One for victory and one for defeat. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t believe they’ll win, it just means they are prepared for whatever happens.
Today I may not see a miracle that I’ve been diligently praying for, but God tells us to prepare ourselves for things that are in season and out of season. This scripture gives me hope regardless of the doctor’s report. God is preparing me for a miracle, but He’s also preparing me for the worse. I think that’s a good thing.
NOTE TO SELF: I clain victory regardless of what the answer may be.